Dull
The clock ticks incessantly, marching like a neighboring, terrible tribe with tribulations and unrest. Light shines through the windows and gets dimmer as the day goes along. Shadows stretch. Breathing is in the background of the ruminations. The mind begins stressing, “What am I missing? Did I not finish the job? What did they think when I said…”
The shadows get longer, and the thoughts get louder. In the ostensible peaceful room, there is a great turmoil. An apprehension pervades, and a desire that can only be quenched through scrolling. The fear of skipping out takes over. As Pascal puts it, one cannot even “sit quietly in a room alone.” Artificial light emits thousands of signals onto the face. The mind feels satisfied. You keep scrolling, not because you enjoy it, but out of the hope that you’ll see the extraordinary. What is that? You don’t know. Your thumb skims the smooth surface as an escape…maybe the next video will be better, but you know they’re all the same.
The low battery screen flashes, and in its darkness, there is a face, one that you don’t recognize. It’s tiring. You look up at the clock: mid-afternoon (and you’ve done nothing). You are struck with an ultimatum: will I stop and tick through the work or continue scrolling? In a world fraught with choices and quick dopamine hits, quietness is worthless. The silent-breakthroughs and moments of introspection are gone. Even our sleep, our incorruptible asset, has declined. With the introduction of artificial intelligence, things will only get worse: working through the ‘the pain’ will be unattractive, because one can always just use a machine. Talking with people requires energy, so it will be outsourced to scrolling on social media. Though it is everywhere, the quiet can be found nowhere.
Culturally, in America, being still is lazy; it’s frowned upon. If you are embracing the quiet, you can be doing something that holds a greater ‘importance’ like working. This is the mentality that got us here. Working gives us dopamine; it gives us something to do. And when we decide to do nothing, suddenly, this void appears in our consciousness. It yells, “Fill it!” We are thrown off balance and forced to search for a solution. This concept has profoundly impacted the culture- one can almost describe it as the essence of the American Dream.
This isn’t a ‘good’ way to live, though it is a productive one. The American Dream emphasizes the American and then forgets about the Dream. Our society expects us to work for each other so much that we forget about ourselves. It sounds altruistic. It is spurious.
What good is a life if you forget about the I? Sure, this seems like an extension of the ego: “I’ll put my needs above everyone else’s.” However, there are some needs that should be placed above everything else. It’s the oxygen mask principle: “In the event of a cabin depressurization…Please place your own mask on first before assisting children or other passengers” (FAA). Helping yourself before others isn’t arrogance, it’s altruism.
The feeling of stillness isn’t a void; it is presence. The act of yielding to the moment–not in hopes of a monetary, but rather a spiritual award. We have been given this time to do what we would like to do. That is the essence of our soul– of who we are. It listens to the ticking and decides to act despite it. So, when you’re lying in your bed and feeling ‘empty’, you will understand it.